


Saudade

by RomeoandAntoinette



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Brief Saki Mention, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Longing, M/M, Melancholy, Nostalgia, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomeoandAntoinette/pseuds/RomeoandAntoinette
Summary: Yosuke yearns for happiness that has passed, or perhaps never existed at all. [Souyo]
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 7
Kudos: 77





	Saudade

Yosuke feels his heart skip. He’s suddenly breathless, then exhausted, then completely fine all in the span of a second. It’s as disorienting as it is terrifying.

Pause. Breathe in and out. In and out.

The teen, normally a logical and cool-headed guy with a class clown image that made him just jovial enough to be well-liked and distracting enough to be virtually undatable for all the girls in his class, is used to working through stress. Some say he excels at it.

It’s rare that he feels so overwhelmed.

His eyes refocus on the television. A talking head wearing a cheap suit and too much lip gloss is blabbering about the latest town murder on the news. The same segment has been repeating over and over for the past hour, but each time, the location of the village known as Yasoinaba must be repeated over and over. It’s about three miles outside of Tokyo, they say. It’s a smaller town with a very low crime rate, they add in a surprised tone that just short of pitying.

‘We get it,' Yosuke thinks. ‘We’re hicks. Gotcha. Message received.’

Homesickness hits him again. There’s still a big part of him that doesn’t want to be in Inaba. A part of him that wants to go home. His real home.

Slaving away at a megastore hardly helps. Being a classroom punchline breaks his spirit more days than not.

Saki’s death outright destroyed him.

It’s a lot.

The news. The T.V. World. Saki's death at the hands of a mysterious murderer. The transfer student who pulled him out of the garbage. Narukami, Yu.

Yu Narukami. 

_Yu._

His lungs contract. He forces out a cough to oblige his lungs' plea for more air.

In and out.

It works. At least, temporarily.

Normally, Yosuke can flick an auto-pilot switch, turn off his emotions, and cross his fingers that he doesn’t do anything too idiotic while in his state of dazed agreeableness.

Recent events had dethawed him. He didn’t like it. Yosuke thinks he must be getting soft.

He misses simplicity. He misses excitement for tomorrow… he misses happiness. But, when was the last time he was actually happy? He struggles to remember exactly, but it must have been somewhat recent. He knows he smiles all the time.

Why can’t he remember?

His brain is on fire. Synapses and neurons crackle and snap as negative responses shoot off like bullets.

In and out.

Yosuke turns off the television with a leaden sigh. He dismantles the makeshift chair he’s made out his pillows and lays down flat on the mattress. The relaxing position does nothing to assuage his heart or brain, which is practically high on unease. Blood drums in his ears and behind his eyelids.

Memories of her thrashing body on his television screen and her father’s venomous accusations from the T.V. World sing inside his brain even long after the residual glow of the television screen fades.

Yosuke knows he knows how to tune everything out. He has done it before. Muting the world, normally by blasting music through his headphones, is a specialty of his. He can also mute himself from talking to himself. From screaming out, from begging for help.

Just when he wants to scream, the phone rings.

He snatches it up and flicks it open without looking at the caller I.D.

“Yosuke?” a familiar but unreadable voice asks. It’s Yu on the other line.

Yu Narukami.

“Oh,” Yosuke says, reacting to an unsaid statement.

The remark seems to churn further confusion on Yu’s end. “Yosuke, are you there? Are you okay?”

He nods and then feels stupid about it. “Yeah, I’m … fine. Why?”

“You just sound off,” Yu says, blunt as ever.

Yosuke laughs at his deadpan answer. He appreciated the honesty. "Nah, man. I'm good."

The same old smile flashes across his face as he sits alone in his bedroom.

“I’m more worried about you," Yosuke tells him. "What has you calling so late at night? Is something wrong?”

“No,” Yu replies almost too quickly. “I just … I was watching the news just now.”

Yosuke feigns innocence. “Hm.”

“They were talking about the murders.”

“Well, they would be.”

“I had to stop because it was driving me crazy,” Yu finally confesses. “Then, I thought about … how hard all this must be for you. I wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”

Yosuke doesn’t know what to say or feel for a moment. After a pregnant pause, he clears his throat and says, “It would drive anyone crazy. Seeing these people try to talk about our town, the people here, like they’re so in the know? It’s hard.”

Yu replies with a relieved sigh. Somehow, Yosuke can hear his friend’s smile over the phone.

“I’m glad you don’t think I’m crazy,” Yu says.

“No way,” Yosuke rushes to say. His body is freezing but his face is starch with heat. “I totally get you. But … that’s why we created the Investigation Team, right? To do something about all this that nobody else can.”

“Exactly,” Yu says, confidence never faltering. “I’m still on board if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Yosuke laughs. It’s his turn to sound relieved. “But…take care of yourself too, okay? We aren’t going to be able to help anybody if we drive ourselves crazy over the news every night.”

Deep laughter snakes through the phone and caresses the shell of Yosuke’s ear. It makes him shudder.

“You’re right,” Yu says. “Same to you, Yosuke. Be sure to get some rest. Oh, and call me any time if you need to talk.”

The world falls silent.

“I will,” Yosuke reassures him. “Let’s both get some rest and regroup tomorrow, yeah? Maybe after class?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Yu replies, sounding pleased. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“See you tomorrow,” Yosuke agrees. “Um, bye.”

A chuckle. “Bye, Yosuke.”

As Yosuke puts the phone down, he notices he feels different. At ease.

For the first time in a long time, he feels satiated.

The next breath he takes in an easy one.

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely different from the norm. Please keep me posted on whether that's a good or bad thing.
> 
> In the meantime, stay safe and healthy! I love all you guys. See you soon.


End file.
